Ornate Push




Thursday, December 15, 2005


Today's one of those days, I caught up on all that missed sleep and woke up feeling great. I drove into work happy, listening to the uk's number one breakfast show Chris Moyles on Radio1, and bought my usual cappuccino on the way into work. That's when it started. I swear this office must be cursed. Not 10 paces in the front door, I begin making my way up the stairs to the second floor, I see a colleage a few steps above "Good Morning" I say, smiling. "Hi Rich" she says. In that moment the unidentified force of evil in this building somehow breaks the laws of physics and manipulates the shape of the next step up, the step may in fact have disappeared from the universe for a full 5 seconds, since as I went to stand on it my foot completely missed it, causing me to stumble, coffee in hand. The coffee's ok I thought, its in a starbucks-like polystyrene cup with a plastic lid and one of those tiny holes in it so you can suck 1ml of coffee out per sip. I made a grab for the banister with my free hand - that disappeared too (clever ! the evil force had thought ahead!). My cat-like relexes (!) can cope with this however, and I recover to get a hand on the third step up just in time to prevent my face hitting it.

As usual I feel myself warming up as I get embarrased, so to try and casually make up for looking like a retard I smile and say "That's a perfect start to a perfect day" The girl is laughing so much she can barely muster a response. I feel something wet on my leg, a blob of cappuccino froth and coffee has landed on my knee, and another on my thigh. I stare at the cup, amazed & confused at how much liquid has made it out of such a tiny hole. I need to get cleaned up so I walk into the restrooms and grab some paper towels, dry my leg, and figure it doesn't look too noticable. I can now hear two (possibly more? (4)) girls laughing in the corridor, instead of just one. Take a deep breath, carry on, it's gonna be an ok day, check yourself in the mirror - oh - wha_? - what the ? Looking back at me is me, with one new addition, I have a splat of cappuccino froth the size of a cricket ball across the right side of my forehead, in the approximate shape of Australia. I look like a right tool. No wonder she was pissing herself laughing. There's no coming back from this one, every time she sees me for the rest of our lives I will be "that tool with Australia on his head".... strike another future Mrs off the 'potentials' list.

I'll leave you with this courtesy of Hooks, here's an insight into how ManU encourage team spirit...


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Ornate - adj. 1. Elaborately, heavily, and often excessively ornamented. 2. Flashy, showy, or florid in style or manner;

Push - 1. To exert outward pressure or force against something. 2. To advance despite difficulty or opposition; press forward. 3. To expend great or vigorous effort.

Ornate Push - The messy ramblings of a troubled poker player and tilted mind.


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