Ornate Push

 
 

 

 

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

3 Minutes

They say that 3 minutes is all it takes for a nicotine craving to pass and thus far today that rule has held fast, the part they neglect to mention is that the cravings return at exponentially shorter intervals as the day gets longer. Today I'm escaping from smoking, again. I'm looking forward to it, though I have yet to attempt to play poker and not smoke. That will be the crunch, like having a beer with a ciggy in the pub on a Friday night is some people's nemesis, mine will be sitting at the virtual felt at 7pm this evening and trying to stay calm and focussed, even if the cards start laughing at me.

I've been thinking a lot about why I haven't just stopped before, and I guess one of the main things it that I don't have 'that special someone' in my life to remind me of the things I need to do to help myself. The only person doing that for me is me, and me doesn't really look at myself in an objective light. In fact that's one of the things bothering me a bit lately, I haven't had a 'special someone' in my life for like 4 years, nothing lasting for more than a few weeks anyway. I'm trying not to regret that, because at the time I know I was doing what felt right, but if I'm truthful the lack of a long term relationship would be most accurately described as 60% defensive/trust/commitment issues, 20% lack of confidence & bottle and 20% incompatability.

I think I might finally be getting over the 60% defensive trust thing, or at least I'm approaching the final fences of it, maybe that's just my age, maybe I've finally got bored of being on the defensive after all it's become very easy now... yup that's it. It's got so easy for me to be single, dull and unattractive that I've completely transformed myself to the end of that scale, and now 'me' is ready for a new challenge, to reverse, or turn right or left, to change gears again and see which 'me' is just around the corner. These little tasks I set myself and pretend are important to me, like getting better at poker, blogging, even something as simple as rearranging my room, are just part-time distractions to prevent me taking on the real task at hand, changing myself into a better version of me, an optimal me if you will. I've reached the point where the things in my life like poker, blogging and relationships can't improve any further without a fundamental improvement of the source, and ultimately that is down to me.

**********

Hmmm, thats a post I didnt expect. I hope it doesn't bore you too much, trust me when I say it's good for me. I think if you stick around for a few weeks you'll get to enjoy the resulting fruits.

2 Comments:

Blogger littleacornman said...

Looking forward to the fruits!
Good luck with quitting the cigs.Not easy but my Mrs has been off them for 6 months having smoked 30 a day for 30 years.Allen Carrs book on quiting helped.

Maybe one day I'll do the same!

9:08 pm  
Blogger TanOrpheus said...

Thanks Acorn, I've got Carr's book and it's awesome ! It's amazing how a few words can condition your mind so easily.

11:34 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Contact Details

Yahoo IM : TanOrpheus

Links

Description

Ornate - adj. 1. Elaborately, heavily, and often excessively ornamented. 2. Flashy, showy, or florid in style or manner;

Push - 1. To exert outward pressure or force against something. 2. To advance despite difficulty or opposition; press forward. 3. To expend great or vigorous effort.

Ornate Push - The messy ramblings of a troubled poker player and tilted mind.

Archives

July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 October 2010 November 2010 March 2011 July 2011

Powered By