Lots of play

I played for about 4 hours last night, and really enjoyed it. I had 3 $.25/.50 tables open on Stars with $50 on each and one tourney at the same time. The cash games were largely uneventful save for a 5 minute rush around 10.20pm when I made 3 sets and 2 full boats and got paid pretty well on each. I was a great run and gave me some encouragement after a boring evening.
The tourneys didn't go great, the first was a satellite to another EPT satellite. It was great value with only 32 entrants but unfortunately the blinds caught up with me and I decided to push my A9 from the SB when a loose player min raised in late position. Unfortunately the one player who could cause a problem with this move (the BB) woke up with AQ and called to send me home.
The other tourney I played was the doyles rebuy, it went reasonably good until I trapped with KK against another laggy player. I limped, he raised, I called. The flop was 4-7-10 rainbow and I checked intending to check-raise. He pushed and I called in an instant. He had 4-8 sooted. The turn was a 4 ! So that hand took like half my stack and it never really recovered.
The main thing I noticed last night was that I am doubting some money away through weakness. A couple of months ago where I would have committed myself 100% based on my read and pushed my stack if thats what it took to win the hand I am now playing a bit weaker and it's costing me. I am certain that this is just a couple of hundred hands away from returning to me but at the moment it is a little frustrating to feel that I am playing to only 70% of my (limited) ability.

Heads-up

I got to the point where I had a few heads up last night, with me ending up on the wrong side of all of them. Two more $13 satellites to Sunday's main event and two more busts when from my perspective I had the guy "in my pocket" Unfortunately that's the thing, from their perspective I'm sure it was the other way around. The first guy told me that "he owned me" despite him playing such a basic strategy it let me back in the game twice from being outchipping me 6-1. Eventually it took KK and QQ on consecutive hands for him to be able to win. He thought he played well I thought he played terribly, but he went through... perspective.

In the next one when we got HU again and this time I was a 2-1 leader, on the second hand he pushed 9-10o and I called with A-3o, the 9-9-4 flop was a killer. Three hands later I pushed the hammer and it refused to beat his AJ. I'm sure that guy was convinced he outplayed me too.

Life never gets any easier, but poker at least always gets better that your last bust or bad beat, part of what I love about the game is that at helps me keep my perspective on real life. It even's my keel so that on a bad day things aren't as bad as what some people do at the table, and on an awesome day I can keep my cool cause things still aren't as awesome as when I won such-and-such a tournament.

Just booked a mini pre-christmas shopping break, from the 16-20th December. Hopefully between now and then I can earn some $$'s to spend on pressies !

Playing again !!

Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to do the things that only you know best.
Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to do what's right and not be second-guessed.
- Bob Dylan

Slowly but surely I'm remembering how to play poker again. It's strange but after about 6 weeks of hardly seeing any hands, in the last 24 hours I've played about 6 hours of poker and "redone" the learning that took 2 years to gain. Even after a short time away I feel rusty, unsure of myself. I haven't got back to trusting my reads again yet, I'll need a few more hours and a bit more confidence.

Just goes to show that breaks are good to get fresh, but if you wanna stay "ready" it's important to keep thinking like a poker player while you're away from the table. It does feel comfortable to be back though. I've played mostly 2-table satellites to the sunday million and am 0-4 so far. One 4th, a third and two seconds on the first table of the two you must win to get your seat have helped restore a little of my belief, a little time and luck and I'm sure I'll go through.

Ah poker, wonderful isn't it ?

And thus the balance was restored

Reflection

The last couple of weeks have been enlightening. Today, finally, though that makes it sound like I've been longing for it when I haven't, today I feel the desire to play winning poker. So tonight I'll be back out there, re-learning what I thought I knew.

Some moments of enlightenment :

* I often only want something because it's difficult to get
* Always being a favourite preflop is no way to win a tournament
* When I achieve something difficult my perspective changes and instead of feeling pride I feel like it was easy
* Like Julia Robers, my personality type is INFP
* Player poker makes me a less moody person
* Work sometimes has a sense of being too important and my reaction is to reject it entirely
* I have to be very focussed to play great poker
* The grass is always greener on the other side
* Poker adds an element of balance to my life
* Focus is not a state that can be forced, but it can be encouraged
* I want to be a great player because I love the game, and to enjoy it to the maximum I must play to the best of my ability

For those you who were mad enough to keep checking the blog, thanks, and I hope you don't feel too neglected. Some of my best friends who I've seen at least once a week for the last 10 years or so haven't seen me for 6-8 weeks, so I hope that puts it into perspective for you.
In the meantime it seems I missed the big build up to the FTOPS, which has a guaranteed $1m prize pool for its main event next Sunday. While this may seem "HUGE", PokerStars has a $1m tournament every week. So it aint that special. Hopefully I'll win entry to both this week, and get to spend Sunday night doing one of my favourite things.